legit feeling like a trash of the society for being idle.

useless.

no self worth

probably i'd scolded people being useless too much back then. and what goes around comes around.

i can't do anything beyond construction.
or rather, i'm just an employee material.

i just can't seem to do anything else.

Anxiety kills

Restless. Anxious.

Though I shouldn't be anxious about anything, man I'm just a human, not Saint!!

A Malaysian who worked in Singapore for years and have blended well in Singapore culture and had to shift base back to Malaysia for some insane reasons.

Have been at hometown since Feb this year and I couldnt adapt. The day I adapt would be the day I either make it big or give up on myself totally, as in to survive.

Where else on earth would drivers on road be at speed of 40km/hr? Even to chiong traffic light also that speed, like seriously?? Not to mention it's only 20km/hr on light drizzling days!!! Gahhh. I'd be running after buses, even before trains started to alert commuters that doors are closing when was at sg.

And the typical cina here really no joke. Copy idea, price war, take advantage. Pap! That's it! 2020 coming pretty soooooon. Cant people just help each other, competitor or not. Well at least I'm trying to offer help to people I met, only to those not taking advantage on me. Open minded cina are like gem, hard to come by, somehow glad that I do meet a handful, but only English speakers are like that, who have their eyes opened elsewhere out of this place. 

Constantly planning n checking on calendar n air ticket on when can I go to sg, even for leisure. I need to kill the anxiety badly. Need some good jap, chwee kueh n fish skin dumplings!! N to check out my crush!! A crush is a crush anyway. I could have been working on it if I'm still at sg but ahhhhhh

01_01_2017

yet another year.
it had been a lousy 2016 overall.
thank God december of 2016 had been good to me.
especially when a friend talked me through. somehow able to walk out from self-condemnation, a bit.

resolutions??

these?

not too sure.

is a year of uncertainties. so nothing much solid

hope can sail smoothly through this year.

600th post

HAHA! been a long way. and it's 600th blog post here! all the rants..

thanks to recent heartburn issue, I've been preparing own lunch at office for like two mths.. simple lunch though. porridge, fish n vegetables.

initially was white rice porridge. then changed to millet, healthier they say.

found out this Zojirushi food jar can be used to "cook" foods. with the high temperature and high pressure theory. I've cooked porridge, vegetables and eggs with this magic jar. haha! it's expensive, but i think worth the spend. for my portion of porridge, it's about four to five tablespoon of rice/millet. warm the jar with the millet with hot boiling water for about five minutes, pour out the water, then fill the jar with another round of freshly boiled water to 1-1.5cm below the water level indicator. simmer for three or four hours. shake vigorously in between, if you remember ;)

actually i think the porridge would be readied in two hrs. never open the cover and check after two hrs, since my lunch time is around 12nn.

a steam fish is a must, then any choice of vegetables. thanks to my Yoei electrical lunch box :P

a very simple, yet costly meal =.=

oh new roommate by the way ;) 

too bad they dont have Calla Lily seeds.. i wanna plant some Calla Lily!!!! :(

been looking for Calla Lily for about a year. anyone knows where to find??O_O

cross road

bought shares like i paid installment for sth.

thanks to ocbc that allows low income class ppl like me to invest in blue chip counters in small amount monthly. 

finally completed a lot of shares after ten mths ;)

how time flies.

*****

yet another month.
been very distressed over something lately.
that i really need to vent via a glass or two of drinks.
i feel like I'm living like a very bad guy, or rather, evil.
I've changed.
i dont know why I've become so.
i need let go, but i cannot bear to let go, i hate to let go, I'm very reluctant to let go!
being at the cross road, and lost.

household chores

been somewhat a month or so since i last "touched" Facebook. deactivated for some reason.
find myself having more time to utilise. wonder how much time have i lost by scrolling Facebook for the passed years. i must be nuts back then =.=

suddenly find armies of ants appearing in my room these few days. been staying here for three years, never seen any ants, i could even leave opened bag of junk foods in room with the airtight clip yet seeing no ants, no idea of why the sudden appearance. as if they can fly. suddenly one is here, suddenly another one on my laptop screen =.= got pissed off so i cleared the attacked area. i think I'm crazy. i usually dont do household chores after work, laundry is an exception. but i spent the time to clear things of today, all thanks to the ants armies =.= i think i found the source?? soaked the area with white vinegar XD XD hope it helps?? then mopped the whole area with wet tissue and added few drops of white vinegar. room smelled like dunno what =.=

i prefer natural remedies. for cockroaches, i use cloves. it is very effective!! put a few cloves where the cockroach appears, some time later it will crawl out woolly-headed from the cloves XD XD
for other issues like acid reflux, skin toner, eczema, etc, i use apple cider vinegar. not bad so far. once had gastric, was so serious that even after taking gaviscon, i woke up with the pain the next morning. so i just tried out apple cider vinegar, in minutes time, the pain was gone :) i trust it more since. haha!
google told me that white vinegar is somewhat effective in ridding ants. not sure of that, just soaked the area with it and see. i dont have any other chemical stuffs to rid ants, white vinegar is something thats of reach.

"As I began to love myself"

=by Charlie Chaplin=

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!

post exam

holiday is good ;)
about 10weeks? or 12 weeks?
but still have to work.
miss undergrad days. holiday means holiday.

it was a very stressful semester.
project planning and control somehow related to financing =.= had a "fantastic" time with linear programming, by name its programming, but we did it manually without software, imagine instead of x+y=z, its x1+x2=z. wat an equation =.= first lecture of it i was already in milky way. both the tests and final i just happily left it blank =.= i think i flung the two tests, didn't dare to see the CA score. turned out final paper overall was okay, but like i said, whole question of linear programming was left unanswered :P
IT in construction is stupid to attend. only attended first few lectures and lectures involved software learning, towards the end was either i was caught up at site or the lectures were boring so i skipped skipped all the way. the final was "fantastic". nothing came out from the lecture notes =.=
value engineering was ok, i attended most of the lectures. towards the end was boring, yet still attended. to smoke the lecturers in exam for the paper is somewhat harder than to deal with project planning paper. haha!

overall had fun with the other three friends of mine. they are fun :D they crack me up early in the morning in the whatsapp chat group. they are real funny XD

results be out on coming monday. kan jiong lei :O

mumbles

halfway through second sem. 

感谢脑残的project manager,我的工作量突然增加很多

相信找完全新加坡应该找不到第二个和她一样脑残的

也相信找完全新加坡应该找不到第二个在我这个职位竟然会这么忙

起初接着份工就图轻松，我可以专心上课

没想到遇到脑残的女人

把工地的工作当家家酒

她的一句话我做多了好多不切实际不必要的工作

没工地的经验竟然可以坐上这位子

真够脑残

她拿那种薪水竟然时间多到还可以怀孕

我拿那一丁点的薪水忙的要呕

我是女的都受不了了。*眼球翻到后脑勺翻不回来了！！！*

上个学期真的不知道怎么过的。

final week还依旧忙工作，吃了晚餐回到家休息一下，冲凉，看戏一下(对！我竟然还有时间看戏！) ding dong ding dong 开始要学书时已经10点多了 囧 喔对，我其实还有在工地继续留下来，图有大monitor,冷气,桌子椅子什么的。就留到7点多就走了，离家太远没办法啦。同班几个政府部门的竟然还有一天的study leave，考试当天还有exam leave!!!什么啊啊啊 然后周末依然洗衣烫衣抹地+学书！！！突然就发现我怎么好像octopus ahhhhhh XD

考final当天我还可以上半天班，走工地，处理问题 然后搭cab去考试 囧

这个sem不知道要怎么熬了。。工作突然忙了 唉

原来又要工作又要上课的一个人真的很难熬下去

很难。。

突然发现。。原来我是我自己唯一的拐杖。只有我一个人撑着自己走

rants

and so, after the two weeks of classes.....

the ultimate tiredness is not work+classes
but...
work+classes+1st day of MC!!!! =.= =.= =.= =.=
walao ei...........
seriously felt like giving up!

very tired......
every day like a zombie, though sleep a min 6hrs, waking up next day would feel like hadn't been sleeping whole nite =.=

two years!!!!
wat the....

new page of life

been mths here

i finally made it to continue my Master Degree

i thought so long have the money then can enter. seems not that way? heard the statistics was, MSc in Civil had 400++ applicants but only 59 made it, while for MSc in International Construction Management had 100++ applicants but only 19 made it. kinda scary??

so i got a very hectic busy crazy life now.
just started a week.
classes are on Monday, Wednesday and Friday this semester.
so ought to sneak out earlier from work and rush to uni.
literally swallowing my dinner instead of eating.
trying to adapt.... as i need to juggle among work, studies, church kids on saturday, and church sunday service.

started to take care of kids on Saturday hokkien service since i came back from my long holiday, seeing that there's quite a need as number of kids growing, and there's no one to take care of them, or rather start to engage them in bible stories, will be a waste if just let them play in kids room, so i "bei tahan" and helped out.
saturday is a half day work and hokkien service starts at 430pm, my saturday is very very busy and rushed. need to rush home from work to do laundry, then prepare materials for the kids session then nap for about half an hr have to go out again. aihhhhhhh
anyway, reward is seeing them laughing happily i also feel happy and worth it :)

many things need to be jot down.
hope to have the time here again.
couldn't even find time to do groceries lol!!!

thoughts

just about less than five hours before MH370 was detected missing *not "reported" missing*, the man was at the airport waiting to go home, saying that he's very tired through the week, probably due to the bad weather. and i reminded him to rest well and take care while he's at home, since the air quality there isn't good too. and he said, "will come back in one piece. don't worry."

after the news of the missing aircraft was released, I'm kind of happy that he said that he will be back in one piece and had me not to worry much, although it wasn't referring to any technical fault of aircraft. well, i do pray for his safe flight every time he flies back.
that kind of assurance at such a timing is really....... well, feel good =)

with a sudden news which DSAI was being sent to jail, followed by the missing aircraft.... seriously, cherish the people around you while you can, family, friends, relative, significant partner, etc. i was even a bit thick-faced to ask a friend, tho a guy, to cherish me, by treating me a meal etc. okay, i know I'm bad =P
but thats what we should do isn't it? cherish, in all ways.

lifestyle

-of current youngsters-

had a chat with the special one during lunch.
we notice that wherever we went for lunch recently the crowd is no more.
so he said that the economy is not that good.
but i thought singapore is still ok.. some more it's lunch time, and there are sites and offices around cause it's town area, so the kopitiams shouldnt have less crowd. somehow just dont know why it's not that chaotic anymore.
he said that malaysia's economy isnt good. ah that i could relate. aha~
feedbacks from his friends on businesses said that they did feel the impact. and while he was back at home last few weeks, it's no longer as crowded as before.
KL lehhhhhh.... should be "people mountain people sea" cause it's capital but no more.
then i said, back at my hometown, so long as the youngsters still alive, f&b line still can survive. and he said, "everywhere's the same."
and true enough, no matter how much they earn, they are willing spend more than RM10 on a meal. youngsters over his place normally earn around RM2000 and above, then my place is below RM2000. and he too, was shocked how can youngsters spend without think twice. haha!
he said such lifestyle isnt for him. he could not afford that. and somehow i agree on it. me either, i couldnt afford that. haha!! i'm not old, but out of a sudden it seems like i'm of the same age level as him, though he's not very old *i dont think such age is counted as old* we both still young what = =

how could youngsters, earning around RM2000 and slightly higher at a big and hectic city and below RM2000 at not-so-big-and-hectic city but living expenses slightly higher than KL, be so spendthrift?
though i'm still counted as young, i couldnt do that!!!

if one would want to know how to stimulate the nation's economy, ask the youngsters. they would be the main factor =P

0909

it's a very good date of the year. 09/09

nothing much actually, just simply a random thought, a random post XD

i just have to struggle or strive for another one month plus.
hopefully i could get what i want, and start to get settle down "officially" here =.=
may God looks after me always.

it's a good date.
and i have some"thing" on my mind
hope all is well =)

自制能力

漸漸發現
現下的年輕人很捨得花錢
吃的、用的
光是那種下午茶，一張十令吉的鈔票有去沒回，有時候是兩張十令吉
用的，要趕時尚，趕先進，無論是不是真的需要
然後，月中或還沒月底喊“窮”。
很囧
就覺得，活該。
不是冷眼觀螃蟹。是真的活該。
我一日三餐沒少，但是我每月的生活費還可以給我在下一個月的第一、二星期花。我的生活費也沒有很多。我還供保險，每月給上帝納的十分之一也沒缺。
一個下午茶，若是一張五令吉的鈔票有去無回，我得想很久。。
看似沒有娛樂，但是我為的是我的將來。

這就是自制能力。

沒有自制能力的人，就算一個月給他一萬，他也會當個響當當的月光族。

seaweeds

i like this! but kinda expensive for a poor student like me. sigh...

there's a story behind this.

and here it goes...

Age 16, TOP gained 400,000 Baht monthly from playing online games.
Age 17, He was willing to fail school and instead earned money from selling chestnuts for 2,000 baht.
Age 18, His family went bankrupt and remained 40 million Baht in debt.
Age 19, He released 'Tao Kae Noi' seaweed to more than 3,000 branches at 7-Eleven.

At this present, Top is a 26-year-old businessman

impressive, kan? i like it! the seaweed of course xDD

女人

有钱的女人可以谈享受生活
可以过过如少奶奶般的生活
上高级的餐厅喝喝下午茶
谈谈时下最流行的服饰

像我这种有钱舍不得花，又有经济负担的女生
只能拼命的想着如何挖钱，
如何钱滚钱
滚到的‘钱’球
还房贷
给老人家享受生活

苹果先生

苹果先生的随身听

好几年前就想买了

恰恰9月临回大学前，终于鼓起勇气向老爸说要

我就把它给带回家了

我的faculty离我房也就那5分钟的时间
奈何 我上课、下课，都机不离身
为的就是，让自己尽可能的远离三姑六婆，七叔八公的
看他们表面似乎平易近人
日子久了，就会发觉他们无论男的女的，一旦说起人家闲话，就会让人觉得很恶心、寒心
多数的还很喜欢利用人
只要对他们有用处，不管私底下多讨厌他们，这些人都不会介意表面迎合。虚伪

只要我耳机一带上，我管你是不是说我闲话，我。听。不。到。
我知道他们私底下都会议论我，因为我无论到哪里，都是带着耳机 ［不是我自行猜测，而是事实］
很奇怪对不？我听我的歌，干这些三姑六婆，七叔八公的什么事吖！

有一回遇到一位鸟人，说每次都很想找我说话，但我都带上耳机，令其无从下手。
哦我的天哪！我真是该感谢我主吖！！！若不是买机心切，今日我可惨了，也成了三姑六婆，七叔八公的其中一分子了。

我不喜欢阿谀奉承的人，我也不是那种鸟人
这些人虚伪透顶。
我不是寂寞难耐的人，一个人吃饭对我来说不是什么大事
若我失去了我自己，成了三姑六婆，七叔八公的一分子，我真难以想象。。。
祖儿说，这样也好，要保守自己的心。
因为我主说，“要保守你心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效，都是由心发出的”
=D

ah bear's 2012 limited edition notebook and calendar

hehe i'm helping ah bear to do advertising again..
this time would be the limited edition of 2012 notebook and calendar.
RM20 each with some small free gifts, inclusive of postage fee.
those who want it can email your name, phone number, address and quantity to bearlim.design@gmail.com before 3/11. notebooks and calendars will be sent out on 15/11.
i guess she left about less than 200copies. aha! so act fast!^^

sunset

i like the sunset view. hehehe

but the trees among it are a bit...............-.-