whenever people ask, "how are you?"
i would ans, "still alive"
nothing more.
i can't say I'm good. everything is not good here to me.
but it's not too bad, as I'm still breathing.

im kinda lost
dreams?
the moment i move back here, my dream died.
no aspirations, no motivation.
there's no need to struggle living here.
just live like a living dead person
nothing left inside of me.
nothing.
empty.

legit feeling like a trash of the society for being idle.

useless.

no self worth

probably i'd scolded people being useless too much back then. and what goes around comes around.

i can't do anything beyond construction.
or rather, i'm just an employee material.

i just can't seem to do anything else.

Anxiety kills

Restless. Anxious.

Though I shouldn't be anxious about anything, man I'm just a human, not Saint!!

A Malaysian who worked in Singapore for years and have blended well in Singapore culture and had to shift base back to Malaysia for some insane reasons.

Have been at hometown since Feb this year and I couldnt adapt. The day I adapt would be the day I either make it big or give up on myself totally, as in to survive.

Where else on earth would drivers on road be at speed of 40km/hr? Even to chiong traffic light also that speed, like seriously?? Not to mention it's only 20km/hr on light drizzling days!!! Gahhh. I'd be running after buses, even before trains started to alert commuters that doors are closing when was at sg.

And the typical cina here really no joke. Copy idea, price war, take advantage. Pap! That's it! 2020 coming pretty soooooon. Cant people just help each other, competitor or not. Well at least I'm trying to offer help to people I met, only to those not taking advantage on me. Open minded cina are like gem, hard to come by, somehow glad that I do meet a handful, but only English speakers are like that, who have their eyes opened elsewhere out of this place. 

Constantly planning n checking on calendar n air ticket on when can I go to sg, even for leisure. I need to kill the anxiety badly. Need some good jap, chwee kueh n fish skin dumplings!! N to check out my crush!! A crush is a crush anyway. I could have been working on it if I'm still at sg but ahhhhhh