my heart is a dead one towards u all

fac nite

date: 26/2/10

dressing and makeup: superb simple. the dress is actually a long dress, i pulled up and make it a tube dress. hahaha. superb simple makeup. no darker color. i wanted everything to be simple to look elegant nia. "elegant" is the theme mer. didnt want to fish any guys also. didnt want to be fac queen too!

post: emcee

experience: none

atmosphere: kinda cold

mood: sad [never understand why ppl not sporting at all, just for fun, people!]

i learn: i'm not important. helped to entertain some final year seniors before the event started while the three waiting for some of their friends, the bunch of i-dunno-how-to-describe went photo taking, when i came to a realization, they were done with their photo-taking session. happily being very proud. man, i'm just an emcee, i dont have the responsibility to help U ushers to entertain those seniors! it's UR JOB!!!!*&&%$£££() i'm way too good to be ignored and to be bullied heh? u all will get it one day! i'm sad. never been sad over friendship thingy back in kuching for the whole of my 18 years! until i entered university. i dont get it! i just freakishly dont get it! fine. people, i know u all backstabbed me. dont think that i dont know. u all said, sarah is a lone ranger, an alien. but i can tell u all very proudly. me, being a lone ranger, being alienated in ur eyes, i THANK GOD! cause He gives me the ability to judge a person by its cover. and all these while, i know that, i really THANK GOD for just being a hi-bye friend with u all, when things and conflicts rose, i wasnt in the hot water. i know who can be friends, while who only a hi-bye friend. i know, cause i could judge. i'm a lone ranger, i am alien! so what? u all very proud to be in a gang? cause u all are just the same type of people. backstabbing, finger pointing when u all are way too free, and have nothing much to talk about. so what? darn!

[cont'd]

special thanks to Mr Wong HaYung, from 5s2'05, kuching high. his comment on facebook reminds me alot!

scene:

when Jesus was being crucified on the cross, soldiers down there were all mocking him. and the only thing Jesus did was, he shouted to Heavenly Daddy, "forgive them, for they dont know what are they doing."

yup, i have to forgive u all. i need the love of Jesus to forgive u all. with my love alone, i cant do that. with my own might, i could only love my friends, but not enemy. so yea, i need Jesus' love to love u all, the fakers, the backstabbers. u better pray hard that i'll be filled with Jesus' love to forgive u all.