whenever people ask, "how are you?"
i would ans, "still alive"
nothing more.
i can't say I'm good. everything is not good here to me.
but it's not too bad, as I'm still breathing.

im kinda lost
dreams?
the moment i move back here, my dream died.
no aspirations, no motivation.
there's no need to struggle living here.
just live like a living dead person
nothing left inside of me.
nothing.
empty.

legit feeling like a trash of the society for being idle.

useless.

no self worth

probably i'd scolded people being useless too much back then. and what goes around comes around.

i can't do anything beyond construction.
or rather, i'm just an employee material.

i just can't seem to do anything else.

Anxiety kills

Restless. Anxious.

Though I shouldn't be anxious about anything, man I'm just a human, not Saint!!

A Malaysian who worked in Singapore for years and have blended well in Singapore culture and had to shift base back to Malaysia for some insane reasons.

Have been at hometown since Feb this year and I couldnt adapt. The day I adapt would be the day I either make it big or give up on myself totally, as in to survive.

Where else on earth would drivers on road be at speed of 40km/hr? Even to chiong traffic light also that speed, like seriously?? Not to mention it's only 20km/hr on light drizzling days!!! Gahhh. I'd be running after buses, even before trains started to alert commuters that doors are closing when was at sg.

And the typical cina here really no joke. Copy idea, price war, take advantage. Pap! That's it! 2020 coming pretty soooooon. Cant people just help each other, competitor or not. Well at least I'm trying to offer help to people I met, only to those not taking advantage on me. Open minded cina are like gem, hard to come by, somehow glad that I do meet a handful, but only English speakers are like that, who have their eyes opened elsewhere out of this place. 

Constantly planning n checking on calendar n air ticket on when can I go to sg, even for leisure. I need to kill the anxiety badly. Need some good jap, chwee kueh n fish skin dumplings!! N to check out my crush!! A crush is a crush anyway. I could have been working on it if I'm still at sg but ahhhhhh

life updates

how time flies and i hadn't been writing a post since so long ago.
i wonder who still keep a blog active as social medias are more of a hot cake as compared to blogger.

hiccups on and off through these days.
i'm still doing okay after all.

just a little update,
I've completed my master's course *hooray* haha! the final sem on law was indeed tormenting. thank God i managed to pull it through.

bought a last min ticket to Xi An and Jiu Zhai Gou China.
ticket bought a mth before departure. and itinerary was planned roughly as i still had to focus on my final exam.
the trip was good. to blog about it when i have more time to spare. aha

after the trip i went back home for three mths plus, while waiting to start new job.
managed to pick up swimming lesson during the long break. and I've yearned to learn to swim all the while.
love swimming now.

back to sg in mid of july with new job.
and to find that something was not straight with church life.

convocation was in august. me and my battle mates for the past two years. some i get to know from different modules that we did together. 

appreciate friend who took leave and spent on air ticket and hotel just to attend my convocation. very touched indeed. and another friend who took leave from work and travel all the way to my uni. haha! 

didn't like the job so i quitted end Sep and to find a job that I'm currently in and love it to max that I'm quite ok to work till 5pm on saturday. haha!

its very important to get a job that you love, so you won't have to work a day. and yea, it feels like I'm just interacting with people, rushing deadlines like doing school assignments instead of being at work. haha!

and things have fallen into places as of now, be it at work or at church, all good, as I've moved on to another church.

and, December has been good to me so far =)

final module

Final Sem Final Module

And it's the "beloved" Construction Law

we had test 1 somewhen around end Feb.

and ya test 2 be on this friday LOL

basically law to engineers is like alien.

i thought finance was disaster, not until i met law.

i never thought my english is lousy, until i met law =.=

i actually had my mum to post me my oxford dictionary, which surprisingly ageing close to 20 XD

for the test, we studied through midnight for about a week.

for me, thankfully sleeping at 3am was the latest, as i still had to wake up at 6+ am for work.

@$^$#%! seriously why did i take up part time study??? beats me =.=

that thickness.. and its only half a semester. still has half a sem of lecture slides not printed yet. seriously i wonder how did law students make it through.. i really really wonder...... 

even to combine the notes of my two engineering modules last sem also weren't that thick :O

right after the test three of us were super shag like deflated tyre, yet had to survive through the lecture. 

but we didn't really pay much attention to the lecture. brain sort of auto shut down XD

lectures still had to be continued as the test only took an hour =.=

and over the weekend both me and another lady didn't feel like moving at all. she's luckier, has a weekly part time housekeeper. i still had to do housework =.= =.= the another men too bad la, need to spend time with kids XD

so i went for a good jap after the test on sunday at tampopo at clarke quay :D

despite the fact that clarke quay is only about 15mins walk from my place, i took uber there XD too tired bahhhhhhhhh HAHA

ottoro and amaebi =D 

ottoro was superb. and so did amaebi. and ottoro alone is $12 HAHAHA

some deluxe chirashi don

would be good if the tempura dish can be changed to something lighter.

and, felt so contented after having the jap, especially being so lethargic after the test =))