stressed

end of week 2

never tried sleeping soundly through the night ever since i picked up this job

its really like torturing myself with this

know well that works will never end, until the end of this project

i feel good completing all the works i planned for the day but at the end of the day, back at home, i would still think of next day's tasks.

like, seriously, I'm tired and sleepy everyday, really sleepy, i close my eyes but the mind just doesnt wanna shut down. wake up in the middle of night EVERYDAY!!!!

once, the man said that when he thought of monday then feel tired. i said, talking of monday i wanna cry. 

it's not the monday blue that makes me feel like hanging myself. its the progress. things planned yet dunno if can be carried out.

the man laughed at me and said, now you know contractor stress.

if thats stress, then I'm very stressed now.

i have a bunch of RTOs without dignity. would drag the casting time just wanted to claim OT. hello, when they drag the time, means i gonna be off late too. and once again, hello, they can claim OT, at higher rate some more, and i couldn't claim my OT. some more its merely two hours $10, who would wanna have such OT claim???!!! i can stay for free, only when i want to. not when they want to.

oh man, I'm an RE myself but kena bullied by bunch of RTOs. what the fish is this!!

my zone's RTO dragged my inspection time for his own convenience on Saturday that day. hey, I'm only half day on Saturday. i got too enraged and broke down  and cried, just couldn't help to control :(

i didn't care what they want, i just called off the casting and went home. if thats what they want, they should arrange it themselves. my teammates are all phillipinos, and please, never ever try working with a bunch of Pinoys. they really sucks max, differ not much from certain ethnic of malaysia =.= if its their intention to let me die, fret not, I'm gonna let them die too. times up, leave taken, i will just throw everything aside and fly back home. now lets see who's gonna die.

new job

a week passed by really like a blink of an eye
too busy too tired for everything
so tired to the level that i m even lazy to munch dinner, would really just skipped dinner, shower, rest in front of laptop and hit the sack.

on the first day i did not bring my planner home, happily left it on site.
who knows, once back home, suddenly remembered that i had to do this and that on the next day and there was no way to note it down, it left me hanging for the whole night, i doubt if i had solid three hours of sleeping =.=

now i really can feel how tired is the man when he always complain that he's tired, and couldnt sleep well due to work =.= =.= back then i still happily told him not to think of work after knocking off. now i know.... there are times when the mind really cannot shut down one.

life of an RE and a site engineer really differs a lot.
 used to be waiting for engineers to submit inspection forms and this and that. now i have to do all these my own, to study everything carefully, highlighted the relevant part and submit to the RTOs. some more have to settle this within the first half hour i clock in. so now i would choose to reach site before 8, to get more time to settle those things.
 used to have walking platform while inspecting slab rebars when spacings are bigger than 250. now i have to walk very carefully so that my feet wont get stuck halfway. the walking platforms are really only for RTOs =.= the man asked if i have learned to walk like a cat. well, i said since cranes are also under me, so i just asked the operators to lift me up :P
 used to be engineers escorting me down to site, raining days they prepare umbrella and hold for me. now i m the one to do those, to serve the RTOs.
 used to be the one to x-ray contractors, now i m the one that kena x-rayed. thank God i m main con, so i can x-ray sub con before me kena x-rayed by RTOs XD
 used to be the one sitting in the office, enjoying aircond. now it would be counted as good life if i can be in the office for four hrs including lunch time throughout the day. really sweating in and out, shirt and pants wet and dry, dry then wet, wet then dry, the cycle keep repeating itself =.=

the man asked if i regret to switch from an RE to a site engineer.
well, i quite like it tho, RE really has no challenge at all XD
at least, for the time being, i quite like my life, though i complained a lot xD XD

p.s.: if those purely sitting in the office use brain do works one also complain stressed and tired, seriously i dunno what should we who use both brain and physical energy complain... maybe too tired to complain, just hit the sack would do? haha